all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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