Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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