yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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