This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
