the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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