Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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