can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
