i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I look better un-naked...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
