Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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