the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
