haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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