Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
