On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
