So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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