Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
