U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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