So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
