you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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