why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize