you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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