I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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