I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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