I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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