I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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