My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
