He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
