after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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