sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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