He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
