His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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