Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
