Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
