Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
