I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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