I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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