I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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