He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
