I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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