wrigley field is MILF paradise
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
