Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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