so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
