here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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