Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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