I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize