you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
