why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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