you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
