I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
