I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
