Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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