What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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