Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
