remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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