Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
