When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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