While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
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It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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