tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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