Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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