there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
