So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
