I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
