One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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