There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
