@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
